May 30, 2012

it's time

i graduate in less than 72 hours.
holy COW.

i don't feel like that's ok since sometimes i still make my mom come say goodnight to me in my bed.
i'm mentally 5.










i actually love my senior pictures. i wasn't anticipating that. because a full photoshoot of just myself? the thought just made me feel wierd and not awesome. :/ but they turned out lovely!  i was having a good hair day. and i had an awesome photographer.
(thanks to my awesome sister jackie at thejumpsite.com)

awesome awesome awesome. sorry for my abuse of that word right now.




the fact that i'm blogging at 1:09 on a school night pretty much sums up the flavor of 2nd semester of senior year.
slacker. senioritis. zombie. sweatpants. nap time. procrast.



good thing in 7 hours, i will never ever ever ever ever ever be compromising my sleep if i stay up until one A.M. because it's just inevitable.

bring on the change.






May 22, 2012

the rundown

the bachelorette 2012


i cannot explain my addiction to this series. both the bachelor and the bacherlorette. yes, i know most of the time it's scripted. yes, i know it's a bit cheesy/smutty/ridiculous. but i love it. and i can't deny it. and nothing my sisters say will change my mind about it. :)

let the games begin chris harrison. 

in pure spirit of the new season starting for summer, these are my top 4 picks (glamour shots included):



charlie. he's adorbs. kind of looks like a tool, but once upon a time he fell off of a 20 foot balcony and had half of his face reconstructed. can you tell? i didn't think so. and he's nice and is really really insecure about speaking in front of large groups. humble? WIN.


arie. coincidentally, a race car driver. emily's deceased fiance was a race car driver. shocking ABC, shocking. but, he's a sweetie and has that face, sooooo. WIN.


 
jeff. from salt lake city. :/ ok ok ok, i know he had a wierd introduction and flew in on a skateboard and then threw it in the bushes. but everyone gets nervous. there is something about him though that just gets me. i know he looks 5, but he's so smooooooth and emily seems to agree with me. WIN.



ryan. ryan is my pick to take it all. maybe it's just because he had the first date and emily loooooved him, but either way, he seems lovely. besides his looks, he's a gentleman. and seems super nice. and is southern just like her. match made in heaven? i think so. WIN. 




...instead of being social on tuesday nights, i make internet predictions about fictional reality tv shows.
someone find me a cute boy :/











May 10, 2012

WHAT





i graduate high school in 20 days.



and am about to have big changes surrounding me. and i've never been more excited/nervous/anxious/scared/happy.





also, i think philip phillips has the most beautiful voice.
and just like j-lo says, he looks pretty when he sings. so therefore; i love him.

have a listen:


(there's a better version on youtube, but it wouldn't let me upload it. go look it up.)



May 9, 2012

call me maybe?



this song is awful: FACT

but some male soul recited the words to me and then gave me his number today while i was at work. hahaha. through the huge gate that i had closed 10 minutes before.
 i'm not kitten you right meow.

after 8 hours of school, 4 hours of homework, and 3 hours of working, it made my day just a little bit funny. you're the bomb, but i'm not calling you. even murderers look normal sometimes.

but thanks carly rae.

a slap in the face

...is honestly what i need right now.

i've slowly let the qualitiy of my life dwindle to new lows these past few months. and i'm honestly kind of ashamed of myself. I've all but given up on the things that i truly want to be and accomplish. i can't help but remember the high hopes i had for this year in early september; and not just the specific things that i wanted to happen, but the growth that i wanted to reach for myself. in all areas. and although i checked off a few of them, there is not nearly as many as i thought there would be. and that's all on me. there are no excuses. i guess getting your heartbroken, and i mean on the floor, shattered broken, a time or two in a short period of time can really do a number on ya. i feel that i especially let it affect every aspect of my life, and it drains out all of my hopes. it's something that i need to work on, i know. but i'm also not ashamed that i'm capable of feeling things that deep. something i picked up from the book i read over the weekend, Tuesdays With Morrie. go read it. i'd much rather have a perfectly soft heart than a perfectly hard one anyday. emotion is a beautiful thing.

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back to my point, i'm sucking at life in all areas.

i dont go to sleep until the upwards of 1:30 a.m. my room is messier than it has EVER been. i dont attend my classes half the time...(17 absences in english. :/ ) and when i do, i roll out of bed at 7:30 and make it there by 7:50.  i haven't truly done my hair and/ or put on make up for school in litterally 45 days. i've counted. my mutual attendance is at a whopping 0 for the last 3 months. partly because of my new job, partly because i just am too 'busy'.  in all honest,y i can't remember the last time i read an entire chapter of the book of mormon. this coming from the girl who would attend the temple once a week, every. single. week for 4 months straight. my recommend is expired.

i am crumbling.

i've saved a total of 20 dollars from being employed, because i now have to pay for anything i wanna do. which means i'm gonna have 0 moneys saved for college. i do know where i would like to attend college, but of course there's been a mix up with my transcripts and i dont think my schoool has sent them yet. and it is getting LATE. and i'm so worried i'm gonna end up staying at home for the next 8 months. i can't remember the last time i texted a boy that i liked. tragic, i know. :/ i've gained a hearty 10 pounds. my grades....my GRADES. that's another issue. i'm not being very healthy with my diabetes at all right now. not awful, but not great. and i need to be great at at least that. i hate the way that i dont care about anything anymore. because i know that i can be better. and being better leads to leading a more productive, happy life. some might think that its just a healthy case of senioritis. but do not be decieved, it's much worse.

now this isn't a pitty party for all of you who are wondering. this is a wake up call, michelle. you are not being the kind of person that you want to be. not even a 1/3 of it.

and the most awful part is that 98% of these things are in. my. control. somewhere along the way i've just given up. and i didn't even realize it. and heartbreak is definitely not an excuse. it was a hard thing to go through but i can honestly say that i'm better because of that day back in 2011. and i can honestly say that i think that there are brighter things ahead of me than anything, or anyONE that i left behind. i can feel it. but i also know that unless i do something about them, my goals will never be reached.

i'm no where near the person that i'd like to be, but i'm now going to continually strive for that again.
wish me luck, and please hold me accountable. :/


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