Mar 25, 2012

fancy that

i'm in a limbo where i dont know if i should be inexpressibly happy that high school is ending in 3 months, or whether i should cry my eyes out.
i hate being in limbo. because i'm not limber. i hate change and it hates me right back.

ya know what else i hate? when strangers know details about my life. it just...makes me feel wierd. and that my personal self isn't MINE anymore... i dont know. :/
you'd think i lived in an episode of one tree hill or something. gassssshhhh.

me and some of the gals crashed another high schools dance last night because we were in the mood for some good clean to par-tay-ing. funnest thing ever? YES. i seem to do my best dancing when its spur of the moment anyways. hahaha. BUT was the very school that bachelor #2 attends, coincidentally. i would be lying if i said i wasn't expecting such a 'warm welcome' from the majority of the student body. (ahem, ahem...sarcasm)

but just because you know more about me than i probably think, does not give you the right to stare. and glare. and whisper. and point fingers. it's just another reminder that i don't belong any where near this place anymore. and that's something that my heart doesn't need right now.

Mar 21, 2012

i should be asleep

but my thoughts keep me up tonight.

i have never before felt like i am actually growing up...until these past few weeks.
a few key things suddenly fill up my life:
my job. actually doing my homework. pinching my pennies because i now have to pay for things like food...and clothes. and gas. and everything else. (i'll be thankful one day, mom and dad : /) stressssssss. a whole lot of laundry. not caring what davis high thinks of me. the desire i have to be healthy in all areas of my life. strengthening my testimony. finding a second job possibly? getting enough hours of sleep.

now of course these things are coupled with a few typical highschool finding a dress for prom, figuring out a senior trip, tears, trying my hardest not to wear sweats every single day of high school.

a mixture of the two is what i find my life being lately. halfway between adulthood, and halfway still wanting my mother to tuck me in at night. it's a wierd time for me. i'm still not sure what my future will hold in 5 months.... and that sentence alone makes me want to curl up in my parents bed and never, ever come out. be ready for some honesty here, but as much as i love my best friend, i would go absolutely mad if i went to college with her. even in the same city. everyone thinks that if i go to college completely alone, in a completely new place, that i will be miserable. why? because i love having friends, and i won't know anyone at ALL. but thats kind of the thrill that i'm chasing here... i can start out college on a new page. no shadows. no mistakes or eraser marks. no pre-concieved opinions. it would be the easiest thing in the world for me to plan to go up to utah state with them, but its just not right for me. not anymore. i found a quote that i looooooveddd the other day. "it is always better to choose the hard right over the easy wrong."

and now i see girls my age who are sending their missionaries off : / WHAT? yes. i'm that age now. it secretly makes me realize what im missing out on in having someone like that, someone who's just there. and not just because they are in love and everything sappy that comes along with that, but because they are best friends. they have eachother and they know it. and nothing else really is as important.
Pinned Image

the closest thing i had to that, dissolved as if it had never even happened. actually, more like he pushed it down to the depths of hell : / never to be seen again. i knew him. and he really knew me. better than most people do. and i would be lying if i said that when i saw him today it didn't make me sit there and wonder. and just think. and think. and think. and think some more.

"it's a constant battle. a war between remembering and forgetting."

and so now i'm just left to creepily stalk the girls my age via facebook and instagram who have what i kind of covet at the moment.
and also pin really sappy, sometimes depressing, quotes about love on pinterest. sue me.

also, wanna hear a cool story? so i get home from a soccer game today at about 530 right? knowing that i have to get to work at 615....i start to freak out a little bit because both my parents are gone, with both of our little cars. panic MODE. my mother refused to answer her phone. or any of my 8 text messages. and im freaking outttt. i get stressed when im about to be late for important things. haha. so i call my his answer. shoot. i really need these hours and im gonna miss. my. shift. it was then that i said a couple short, urgent, but sincere prayers asking if there could just be some way that i could make it to work, and to please just help me. . . . .. .  after waiting a few more minutes, i look out of my living room window and bada-bing-bada-boom. there is my dad and the trusty little saturn, a sight straight from my dreeeeammmms. i asked him why he was home so early....and this is the coolest part... he said he didn't really know why. he came home early...for no reason. he was in the middle of a meeting when he had the thought to leave early today. so he packed up everything and just left for home, mid meeting. no reasoning.
if that's not prayer working in my life, then i don't know what is.
i didn't tell my dad about the prayers i had said. i told him maybe the spirit was just urging him to come home. haha. but really though. :/
maybe heavenly father does hear me, afterall. maybe he knows exactly where i'm going. he hears me.
and i needed to know that.

so i'm really impressed if you made it through all of that. and also i apologize. it's 2 a.m on a school night, i worked the closing shift, and my brain is friiiiiied. nighty night bloggers.

Mar 11, 2012


*random photoshoot of the day

because i've had this blog for 8 months and i can count the number of pictures on here of my real life on one hand.

these are some of my favorites ever. not because of how these pictures look, but because of the memories of that time of life that go along with them.

Mar 8, 2012


this week has been one of the most dramatic, stressful weeks of my entire life.
so im asking you,
please say a prayer for me.
in all seriousness.
because i  need it.

Mar 4, 2012

i'm alive

soooo i haven't posted anything consistantly in a really long time. 89% of the reason is because i recently bought myself my first iphone! i absolutely love it. and i'm absolutely addicted to it. instagram, pinterest, and twitter have almost taken your place, blogger. :/ i have not been faithful to you in least bit, and i apologize.
another 5% of the reason why i've been absent is because i finally have my first JAY OH BEE!! cause ya know, cookies and goodies sent to verizon via the post office doesn't pay the phone bill. did you know that? i didn't. but yes. i now work at Crazy 8 in Layton 2 or 3 days a week. come seeeeee meeee if you have any children that need new clothing. maybe even buy a thing or two, so that it looks like i know what i'm doing out there. that'd be fantastic.

in other news:

-i got a heart felt apology. WOW. didn't expect that one coming. it brought out the worst side in everyone and your apology is accepted.


-those guys up there are my bff's. they're real people and i love them for that. superficial-ness doesn't really fly with me.

-and lastly, i have a reoccuring problem. and i get really really frustrated because of it.


have you bought a Fanta in one of those cute, retro bottles lately?
don't do it. why? because every single time i buy them for long car rides, i forget that the cute bottles require bottle openers.
and every single time i have to throw them out the window.
just kidding.
i usually stash them in the crevices of my friends cars because having to stare at them while you're thirsty is torture. so just say no.