Nov 29, 2011

the boy with the bread

so i think i found the perfect cure to a sad heart.

reading a good book.
i become totally absorbed into it that i dont have the capacity to be absorbed with the heartache. it's like a drug really...filling up the space that is newly vacant and cold in me.

my drug of choice? THE HUNGER GAMES.
holy cow i cannot even explain how much i love it!!
have i basically read book 2 in under 24 hours? possibly.
am i plannig on starting book 3 in about 45 minutes? better believe it snitches.

sometimes i like to pretend i'm katniss.

but realllly. watch this. NOW.

peeta mellark,
i hope you're ready for our virtual relationship to start.
cause i sure am. :)))))

Nov 26, 2011


lets just say... things ended in cyberspace.
by me.

a girl can only take so many excuses.

wiener, winner, chicken dinner.

it gives me a little satisfaction knowing that it was in a 57 second voicemail.

bada bing bada boom, i deserve better.
and i know it.

this quote helps me feel ok about life.

Nov 23, 2011


lolcatz make my world go round. especially today.

and my personal favorite

hahahaha. i love this crap.

"there will come a time you'll see...

...with no more tears. and love will not break your heart...but dismiss your fears."
                                                                                             -mumford & sons

because i'm a whiny teenage girl...i need to get this out.
i am sad.
i have been playing after the storm by mumford & sons over and over and over again today.

i'm sad because of what i thought it was going to be. something long least longer than a month or 2.
it was so comfortable from the very begining.
i met his family....he met mine.
he's such a good kid. has goals...can't wait for his mission. would never do drugs or screw up his life in some form or another like that. which is why i think i liked him so much...because he's different than the boys that usually catch my eye.
the hardest part is thinking that he was my new start. i had finally pushed past junior year and all the crap and sadness that it had brought me...that that other boy had brought me. and i was ready for whatever senior year was going to throw at me, no matter what it was, good or bad. and then he came along and it felt so right.

but now it has changed in a matter of a week or 2. and i'm not quite sure why. all i know is that i'm going to have to move on at one point or another. but as for now....
i am sad.

mumford & sons will now rock me to sleep for the next who knows how long.

Nov 21, 2011

...and then your heart drops

and my relationship is hanging in the balance.

i thought he was different, and better. i thought he was exactly what i needed in my life at this point.
...i actually still do believe that. but there is so much confusion and doubt running through my veins i'm questioning everything.

i know that what this week has brought is definitely not looking swell for me.
truth be told, i am sad. and sad needs i listen to this song. and hope for a better ending than the one i'm imagining in my brain.

Nov 17, 2011

" give you a hope and a future"

today was a good day.
is everything perfect? no.

but did it MATTER? not at all.

i think my priorities are back in order. 

what does it all rely on you ask?

the gospel.

***also. yesterday we went and played with the homeless kiddies for mutual. i absolutely loved it.
i hope we helped them focus on absolutely nothing important, so that they could in some way forget about what might be going on in their lives... at least for a couple hours. i want to do more things like that. to do good.

Nov 14, 2011


life is full of new starts....and after the day i've had today, i am so excited for tomorrow.
im going to the temple.

maybe i talk about the temple a lot...but it just helps me so much in my life.
dissapointments....heartbreaks. they happen. life is unpredictable.

but the peace and happiness that comes from the temple never fails me people, nevvverr fails!

tomorrow will be a better day.

Nov 13, 2011

just because

just because i'm in need of this right now.

tomorrow is a new day.

Nov 12, 2011

the fear

change has always been so scary for me.

this is going to sound awfully silly at the moment....but the fact that its blizzarding outside is terrifying me.
no, not because i have some irrational fear of snow, but because its so different.
truth be told...i absolutely LOVED autumn of my senior year. the good days, the bad days, going to the temple every week, warm afternoons, letting go of how things used to be, homecoming, being happy with myself for once, football games, new friends, that one new boy, the beauty of it all. and now its all going changing so rapidlly i cant even keep track of what day it is.

its probably not normal that the season changing is doing this to me...but im scared.
im scared im gonna lose everything i've been working for, for SO long.

i somehow need to remember that just because the world outside is changing and freezing over..does NOT mean my life has to change... it probably doesnt help that every single winter for the past 3 years have been difficult to say the leeeeeast. im just scared that the glooom of that bad luck is going to creep up on me again and i'm gonna find myself in the same position that i often do this time of the year.

i know i'm being vague, sue me. :/

im praying and praying and praying and crossing my fingers that this year is going to be different.
im pretty sure i just need to go take a deep breath, pray, and remind myself that my future is as bright as my faith. again.

Nov 10, 2011

days fall into months

so i just read The Help for literally 8 hours straight. from the moment i woke up, until about 30 minutes ago.

 i have no explanation. it just was getting so GOOD. and then it got to the point where you can barely understand what you're reading anymore because your eyes start playing tricks and they go cross eyed on you because its so monotomous....but it. was. just. so. addictive. haha in all honesty, i probably would've enjoyed it more if i would've just stopped. but i just couldn't. it ate up my entire day.
...and i just realized i could've done so many better things with my time. like i dunno....apply for college!!!!
lately it feels like i never have enough hours in the day. thats usually an issue that most 17 year olds dont have...but ay-oh. im an original.
between applying for college, friends, scholorships, laundry, cleaning, my testimony, staying saaaane, tg, ...showering...(im not kidding) life consists of stress lately. stress stress STRESS.

i feel like i have to decide my future in 10 seconds, whilst its affecting me for the rest of my liiiiffffe.

plus there are so many other things i want to do with my life. i want to do good.
i need to start prioritizing my time better....maybe i should cut the pinterest time down to a maximum of 2 hours daily. :/ haaaaa its a real factor as to why i never do productive things.
but i just <3 it so much.

and who's tg you ask? refer to the previous couple of posts below. cuddle buddie turned into something a little bit more. he is so nice to me.
 im just praying that i dont screw this one up.

also...i love the book of mormon. i haven't read it as consistently as i need to lately, and i miss it. not only because its commandment, but because it adds so much extra peace to my life. it reminds me that i am loved, and that i have a future as bright as my faith.